Ramsey Show tells Kentucky housecleaner that she's letting her friend's spending habits live 'rent-free' in her head

Ever made a judgy comment (even if only in your head) about a friend or family member’s spending habits? It’s human nature to make comparisons, but it can be a harmful distraction.

Sarah called into The Ramsey Show from Kentucky to vent about her struggles with her friend’s financial decisions.

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Sarah is a single mom working hard as a housecleaner to pay off $3,000 in debt and build an emergency fund, per Dave Ramsey’s advice.

In contrast, she says, her friend only works occasionally. Since the beginning of the year, Sarah’s friend and her husband have bought and traded four vehicles, including a $120,000 Escalade.

“They claim they make money off of these vehicles,” Sarah told co-hosts Jade Warshaw and Rachel Cruze (1).

Sarah feels the couple could have paid off half their mortgage with that. However, her friend says she doesn’t want to pay off her mortgage because she gets “too many tax deductions from having a house.”

Though it has no bearing on Sarah’s life, “it kind of drives me crazy,” she said.

Warshaw’s advice to Sarah: “Mind your own business and pay off your debt.” Easier said than done.

Social comparison theory

Sarah’s angst is common, as 41% of Americans admit “they’ve had tension with a friend over money,” according to LendingTree’s 2025 Friends and Money Report (2).

The report found that a third of Americans (33%) think differently about a friend because of their spending habits, including 25% who judged friends “for being too frivolous with their money” and 13% who judged friends “for being too frugal.”

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There’s a term for this: social comparison theory. As described in Psychology Today, it’s the idea that we measure our own social and personal worth by comparing ourselves to others (3).

The constant comparison can motivate self-improvement, but may also “promote judgmental, biased, and overly competitive or superior attitudes.”

As Warshaw pointed out, Sarah works hard for her money, and is working hard to pay off her debt. She may feel jealous or resentful toward her friend who appears to have it much easier — and demonstrates a more casual attitude toward her finances.

But Cruze said Sarah needs to focus on her own choices around money instead of her friend’s lifestyle

“The rent-free space that she has in your brain right now, it’s not worth it,” Cruze said.

Cruze added that there may be something else at play as Sarah does the work to get her finances in order.

When someone makes a major and positive shift in their life, they may start “to gravitate towards people that are like-minded,” said Cruze.

And they may start drifting away from people who aren’t congruent with that.

Setting financial boundaries

Comparing yourself to how others are doing financially can breed jealousy, resentment and feelings of inadequacy (or guilt, if you’re better off). But obsessing about it could derail your own financial goals.

For example, fear of missing out (FOMO) can lead to impulsive decision-making. Maybe that means overspending to “keep up with the Joneses” or forgoing long-term goals like paying down debt or saving for retirement in favor of short-term gratification.

Indeed, FOMO has motivated 51% of Americans to make a purchase or investment decision, according to Empower research — with nearly one in three (31%) comparing their financial situation to others while scrolling social media (4).

Instead of obsessing over her friend’s financial habits, Sarah could focus on her own progress and celebrate how far she’s come.

Focusing on your own journey could mean building an emergency fund (typically three to six months of living expenses), maintaining a low debt-to-income ratio and boosting your net worth (total assets minus total liabilities).

However, in some cases, it may mean setting boundaries for the sake of the friendship.

If a friend asks for a loan and you suspect you’ll never see that money again, then it may be better not to loan the money in the first place.

Or maybe a friend is constantly asking you to partake in lavish outings you can’t afford. The LendingTree report found that 31% of Americans have felt pressure to keep up with a friend’s spending habits and 69% have “opted out of a social outing because they felt it was too expensive.”

This is another situation where you may need to set boundaries on how much you can realistically spend on outings (or have an honest conversation with your friend and perhaps ‘downsize’ some of those outings).

“It’s OK to have boundaries, Sarah,” Cruze said. “If you need to set up relational boundaries, that’s OK too.”

In Sarah’s case, she could also choose to lift her friend up rather than put her down and judge her.

It may be hard, “but we can be kind; we can be curious and not judgmental,” said Cruze. “But have a level of grace for her and yourself.”

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Article sources

We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.

The Ramsey Show (1); Lending Tree (2); Psychology Today (3); Empower (4)

This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.