By Daniella GrayShareNewsweek is a Trust Project memberA pre-Thanksgiving conversation between a Michigan mom and her 5-year-old daughter is going viral on TikTok.
In the clip, Tara Cochran (@thecochranfam) walked her daughter, Everly, through a set of Thanksgiving rules. The two rehearse how to decline hugs, how to ask for more food without shame, and how to navigate a table full of relatives without commenting on anyone’s body or plate.
“Somebody tries to hug you but you don’t want to hug—what do you say?” the 29-year-old asked Everly.
...She responded, “No, thank you.” And if the person insists? The 5-year-old replied, “Please respect my body. I said no, thank you.”
These talks aren’t a one-off. Cochran, who is also mom to 1-year-old Sebastian with her husband Travis, 30, told Newsweek that conversations like these happen throughout the year and every year before the holiday season.
“Holiday time for many people is the one time of year where entire groups of extended relatives and friends gather in one space,” Cochran said. “While that's a beautiful thing, it can also be an overwhelming experience.”
Her goal is to empower her children and arm them with the knowledge that they are in control of their bodies, just as much as anyone else.
She believes that teaching these principles early frees children from the pressure to be “polite” at the expense of bodily autonomy.
For Cochran, the importance of these age-appropriate conversations comes down to what she sees as lingering cultural norms,
“A lot of people cling to the outdated mindset that family [and] friends are owed hugs [or] forced physical contact; that it’s ‘rude’ to say no,” she explained. “However, I see it completely opposite. I think it's rude to force anything upon someone who doesn't want it.”
Forcing affection, she argued, sends conflicting messages: children are taught that “no means no,” yet also told to override their instincts to please others.
She remembers growing up in a home where comments on bodies and food were commonplace, and where asking for seconds could be interpreted as shameful. Breaking that cycle is non-negotiable.
“We teach our kids to start small because we don't want to be wasteful, but you can absolutely come back for more as many times as you need,” Cochran said. “Again, this is all going back to the key foundation of listening to our bodies. We have implemented a rule in our home that if someone can't change something about themselves in five minutes, then we don't comment on it.”
Observing her daughter embody these lessons outside the home fills Cochran with pride. She’s seen Everly set boundaries with kindness and confidence—skills she said have already made her a role model for younger cousins and friends. “She has a huge heart, so I can't wait to see what she continues to do with the teachings we build upon in our home,” Cochran added.
Carrie Lupoli, a certified nutritionist and behavior specialist, told Newsweek that Cochran is teaching her daughter to be self-aware, use her voice and advocate for herself.
"So many of us grew up with cultural conditioning that made us feel people had the right to comment on our bodies or our food," she said. "It’s like an invisible ‘corset’ we’re handed as kids, made up of food rules and expectations about how we should look or behave. We’re rarely given tools to recognize that these things aren’t normal, let alone okay. What this mom is modeling is a different standard for how we allow people to treat us and talk to us."
Cochran's clip has gone viral on TikTok, amassing over 4 million views. In the comments, thousands of parents praised Cochran for her approach. Many others wished they had been raised with these conversations.
“Crying hearing ‘we don’t judge how much people eat.’ A lesson all kids should hear,” one user wrote.
“THIS is gentle parenting. Wonderful job,” added another.
A third commented, "'We don't comment on how much people eat.' I'm gonna cry."
Cochran shared that the reaction online—while positive—made her sad. “It has made me realize how many grown adults could benefit from these types of teachings,” she said. “A ton of people have asked if I could teach this to their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, etc."
The volume of people asking how to replicate the chat in their own homes showed her just how deeply the message landed.
“It warms my heart, because I know just how deep my message is being pushed,” Cochran said. “I know it's inspired and encouraged many parents to hold space for these chats with their littles too and that is all I could ever want out of my platform.”
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