By Daniella GrayShareNewsweek is a Trust Project memberNothing could have prepared a Washington woman for her boyfriend’s reaction to her pregnancy news.
Julia Barker, 33, (@julseybee_) shared a photo of her boyfriend Ryan Riley, 35, during his final stint in jail in a reel on Instagram. The text overlay read: "I’m pregnant. You think you can get clean?" And that’s exactly what Ryan did.
Before their daughter was born, Julia told Newsweek that she and Ryan were in the midst of drug addiction, drifting from motels, abandoned houses and borrowed cars in the Seattle area.
..."We both come from good, hard-working families, but addiction and alcoholism does run in both of our genes, and for whatever reason, we ended up with this disease," Julia said. "In each of our experiences, we began using substances very young, and we didn't meet until years later when both of our addictions had progressed significantly."
On the day she found out she was pregnant, Julia had been admitted to hospital because she was close to losing a finger from an accidental dirty-needle puncture.
In her experience, health-care professionals cast judgment on drug addicts, but this doctor was different.
"[He] leveled with me, told me I was pregnant and encouraged me to get clean and sober," Julia said. "He spoke to me with dignity, respect, and love—and truly made me feel like I could do it."
The journey to sobriety was anything but easy. Within weeks, Ryan was arrested again—it was his last stint in jail, and he faced a prison sentence.
Julia entered a program to get sober while he was still behind bars, and when he was released, he followed her to the same long-term inpatient treatment center: Battlefield Addiction in Federal Way, Washington.
A judge granted Ryan another chance—no prison time, but DOC supervision and ankle monitoring. The couple graduated treatment, moved into sober living and began working the 12 steps together through Alcoholics Anonymous.
Years later, not only are Julia and Ryan sober, but they are homeowners. Julia also underwent intensive therapy, including DBT [dialectical behavior therapy], especially after their daughter was born. "It's been a long, beautiful, hard road of reconstruction," she added.
Estella, now 6, was the catalyst to save them both. Ryan had already lost custody of his older daughter and was determined not to make the same mistake again.
For Julia, the motivation was just as profound. "At the time, I just didn't care enough about myself or changing my life," she said. "Because of Estella, we had to grow up, quit being selfish, face ourselves and recover. Now, everything is completely different. Getting clean from drugs is just the first step of the process; what we are doing is breaking generational cycles of dysfunctional family systems and pain."
Julia's reel has been viewed over 13.5 million times. In the comments, Instagram users were moved to tears by the couple's transformation.
"As someone whose child’s father can’t/wont get sober, I’m so proud of you," one user posted.
"Parents who say they would die for their children. Parents who live and heal for their children," another wrote.
A third commented: "Kids will drive you to heal and deal with the trauma."
Today, the family is based in Woodinville, Washington, where Estella is halfway through first grade.
"She loves math, crafting, doing tae kwon do, and is a ball of energetic light and love," Julia said. "Evenings at our house look like games; dance parties in the kitchen, talking through big feelings, and connecting with one another over and over again. She's our mirror. We love her so much."
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